Looked Good On Paper

If you call running around a 2 year old boy a “vacation”. I guess what I mean by that is that my stay at home mom status changes tonight.

Internet, in 2 months I’ll be a Certified Nursing Assistant. And I’m scared, nervous, anxious, I wanna puke, etc., etc.

The last job I held ended when I was 3 months pregnant with Dallas (if you don’t count the little cleaning stint I had in Wyoming last year) and I’m kinda rusty, you see. That’s why I’m nervous. Even more because I’ve never been in college (although I wouldn’t call this course college, but you know what I mean). I finished high school in 1998 and I let 10 years go by without doing anything about it. Well, that was bound to change.

For the first time since Conner passed on, I’m getting involved in health care. I don’t remember much of his cares anymore, how I used to get his medications ready in the morning if we happen to be at home. Or how I used to clean the skin around his feeding tube, making sure it wouldn’t get infected, and so many other things. This time I’m going to be on the other side. Instead of being the parent of a patient, learning how to take care of him, I’ll be the person teaching a parent, I’ll be looking over someone’s health (for a few hours at a time). And that makes me even more nervous.  But I guess people who start the health care journey have these type of feelings, and I hope I enjoy it, I hope I do a good job.

The nurses who took care of Conner were so well trained, so caring, they had sincere interest in us, in him. They loved him. And since then I thought: “I want to do that, I want to be like them, I want to care for other people like they did for my son. I want to make them as at home as you can be at a hospital, which is no easy task, but I really want to.”

So, I’ll be back in a day or two and tell you all about it. I hope I can remember the reasons why I’m doing this, basically I’m doing this for me, and for him.

Wish me luck.